I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
