i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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