So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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