I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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