I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize