i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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