I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize