he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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