if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
