you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
