So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
and you fell through a lawn chair
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
