I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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