if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
