I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
