I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
