she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize