:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
