Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
