I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
