just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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