i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
