hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
