epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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