3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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