Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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