I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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