Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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