You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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