Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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