I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize