When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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