yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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