I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
