every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
