They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
