I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
