I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
