Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
