No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
