so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
