Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
