Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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