what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
