why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
