How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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