After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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