I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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