On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My hand turned me down
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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