Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
