I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
