Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
