so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
