I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
