Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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