Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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