a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize