Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize