How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize