spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
