Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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