TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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