I wish my penis had an off switch
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
