Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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