you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
